--------------------------
Bronze: Zetsuai since 1989 by Minami Ozaki, volume 5
--------------------------
 
--------------------------

"I don't want a dream-like fairytale!"
>>
[title peeji...]
>>
Kouji: Goodbye, Izumi!  I'm tired of chasing you.  I should think you 
feel the same, don't you?
>>
Kouji: You have charisma.  Anyone who gets to know you will become 
your willing hostage and admirer.  You'll be able to choose among 
them to your heart's content; you have no need to sacrifice your 
future for someone like me.  It's enough, Izumi, I'm setting you 
free! >> You can relax now!  To be the object of such a meddlesome 
unrequited passion must be painful, mustn't it?  You're far too good 
to turn me away, but it must annoy you deep down.  You even tried to 
love me back!

Izumi: You...
>>
Kouji: Izumi, women are better after all!  They were made for us.  
Oh, I forget, you've never been with a woman, have you?  But you'll 
get married eventually.  Everyone does.

Izumi: Kou...ji...

Kouji: I'll smile then and wish you the best, is that all right?  Or 
would you like me to do so quietly from the shadows?  Whatever you 
wish.

Izumi: Stop it!

Kouji: I'll say to myself, "He's happy, how wonderful.  It was the 
right choice to break up back then."

Izumi: KOUJI...!
>>
[And wakes up. :P Scared ya.]

*frenzied heartbeat*

Hirose: Don't worry... it's not harmful.  Did you have a pleasant 
dream? >> Let's pick up where we left off.

Izumi: *breathes hard*

Hirose: You're completely inexperienced heterosexually?  According to 
our reports, you dated a schoolgirl once, but once only.

Izumi: What did you... do to Kunihide?

Hirose [ignoring him]: To be ruined by Kouji before you've 
experienced the other sex... poor thing.  Are you impotent with women?  
Homosexual?

Izumi: I... no...

Hirose: Capital.  I had my secretary dress up just for you.  It's the 
most wonderful time of the year!  Do enjoy yourself.

Izumi: Stop it!  Don't... touch me...!

Hirose: Or rather, if you were a normal man, you'd find same-sex rape 
to be more humiliating than a heterosexual act with a woman, wouldn't 
you?  Kouji's injury might be all the greater for it.

Izumi: Ugh...!  Do you... want him... to kill you?

Hirose: He would go to jail for it.  Not only would he be unable to 
see you, he would have implicated you in a murder case again.  
Kouji's incapable of surviving such agony.  No matter how events 
develop, he will suffer.  It's quite engaging!  As long as he loves 
you...

Hirose: Those three words from Kouji's lips?  It must be the joke of 
the century!

//He's mad!  This man...//

Hirose: And you actually want someone like that?

//He's insane...//
>>
[Meanwhile, the secretary's still performing the hands-on procedures...]

Izumi: What... Stop it... Get your hands off me-!

Hirose: Oh, so that's the scar!  Deeper than I thought.  Childhood 
trauma wields enormous influence on mental makeup, to such a point 
that one might say it formed the basis for the future personality.

Izumi: (Hurts...)

Hirose: A lifetime's not enough to heal such wounds, is it?
>>
Izumi: Why... do you hate Kouji so much...?

[Hirose is silent, almost contemplative.]

Izumi: _I have a right to know, don't I?_

Hirose: Right to know?  How naïve you are.  But very well!

[He sends his secretary (presumably drawing overtime) away and sits 
down to chat with the prone and half-naked Izumi]

*door closing*

Hirose: I was born... in a family endowed with a long-inherited kendo 
history, as well as a traditional family-run company: the Nanjou 
clan's eldest son.  I was groomed from childhood to take my place as 
head of the family.  You have no idea of the pressures that weighed 
on me from the first - but at the same time, the pride I derived from 
my position was enormous.  I had to train rigorously in martial arts 
as well as the principles of management.  Blood and sweat... but I was 
content.

//I thought of such things as a matter of course.  I placed myself 
above the common herd, because my father's eyes were constantly on 
me.  My ego was based on confidence and self-esteem.//

Hirose: Because I was always admired, always made much of.  My father 
was strict but of expansive character.  I respected him, loved him.  
I applied myself so as not to fail him in his expectations of me.
>>
Hirose: In the autumn of my seventeenth year... came to us a genius 
child with the eyes of a dead man.

//There are such people in the world.  They can very easily obtain 
what to them means nothing, but others desire ceaselessly without 
being able to attain.//

Shibuya: What~~?  You're worried about Izumi?  It's the middle of the 
afternoon!  He's meeting with his team for all you know.
>>
Kouji [phone]: I just asked the school, they've all gone home.  Is 
the bodyguard following him?  Did he contact you according to 
schedule?

Shibuya: Oh puh-lease, it's so far he usually doesn't get home until 
three!

Kouji: I don't care, get in touch with him!  No, tell me the number 
and I'll do it!

Shibuya: He won't talk to you!  (Don't freak out like this!)  If 
anything happens he'll call me.

Kouji: If anything happens it'd be too late!  Call now!

Shibuya [being chauffeured home like the rich-boy he is]: But-

*Kouji hangs up*

Shibuya: That jerk!  (On Christmas Eve too!  I'm going to be late for 
my date!)

Kouji: DAMN IT-!

//I remember feeling the same way last time, when I ran out and found 
Izumi covered in blood!  No, it's worse today.  An evil premonition... 
almost nausea!//
>>
//Calm down... think it over.  Last time I was lucky to be so close, 
and to know his whereabouts.  Today is different, it's too far!  What 
with Christmas Eve and the snow, traffic is in a snarl.  It's two 
hours by bus; no matter what I do I stand I high chance of missing 
him.  What way is there?  If it were only a hallucination... but the 
anxiety in my heart is too real!//

*touch-tone phone*

Some Poor Salaryman: Nanjou Consolidated, this is Gotou of the first 
secretarial office.
>>
// "Everything that supported my sense of self was destroyed by him-..."

Kouji: Call Hirose!  Call your president, this is Nanjou Kouji!

Hirose: And Kouji absorbed with ease, only to abandon once bored.  He 
treated everything as a new game to be played a few times before 
moving on.  How could he comprehend my bitter despair?
>>
Izumi: You're just a sore loser...  You're not willing to admit that 
Kouji's better than you... You can't say he took everything from you, 
because that's the way things work - the stronger wins!

//Father... Father, look at me!  I work so hard obeying your words, 
I've battled up to now!//

Hirose: The only thing...

//What am I to you in the end?//

Hirose: That saved me...

//Father!//

Hirose: Was Kouji's dead gaze.

//Without salvation in his heart, Kouji could never be a success at 
anything.  With his god-given talent, if he had the will he would 
know no limits - but he was born without the will to do anything.  So 
no matter what, that detested Kouji could never menace me.  He 
doesn't even deserve my enmity.//
>>
//When Father transferred all his attention to Kouji, I almost went 
mad.  I hated, I was powerless, my ego suffered a killing blow.//

/* Hirose: Kouji's strong, he's quite talented, Father. */

//However, once he entered junior high, he started to involve himself 
with women continually, never even coming home.  He was also 
completely rebellious, and my father in anger severed all relations 
with him.  I was beside myself with joy!  But my exultation didn't 
last for long.//

Hirose: Father's will brought more ill tidings.  It seems that Father 
never truly abandoned him.  I'd lost after all!  Lost to a far-
younger brother... >> And the worst of the matter is, he'd already 
found you, Izumi Takuto!

//Unforgivable!//

//With that gaze, he wept before us!  As if to say that he's found 
his most precious thing, that he would not exchange for all the 
riches of the world.//

Hirose: That creature of hubris and egotism lost his voice because of 
you... went to his knees in front of me for you!

//It's unforgivable!//

Hirose: To be loved and needed by someone like that should be quite 
satisfying, shouldn't it?  Doesn't it make you happy?

//Are you happy?  Kouji!//

Hirose: To have the adoration of the teeming masses focussed on you 
alone must give you a great sense of superiority.

//That gaze...//
>>
Izumi: Only someone who's never really been loved could say something 
like that.

[Ouch.  Gotta hurt, boy...]

Izumi: You think I exist in a state of perfect contentment?  You 
think I'm to be envied?  No wonder you know so little. >> You're 
pathetic!

Hirose: Oh... but you're to be pitied as well!  You're the victim! >> 
There's only Kouji to love you unto death, and he's a man to boot.  A 
Nanjou, but still it's not pretty to look at.  

//At the time he had everything, but his eyes said he had nothing.//

Hirose: He has looks and talent and the envy of the world, but he 
doesn't have your heart!

//That's why I tolerated him, that's why I let him live until today.//

Hirose: You're the only one to defeat Kouji completely!  And you're 
now at my mercy for me to amuse myself with, for me to violate, how 
fascinating it is!  I can hear Kouji screaming in agony even now...

Izumi: No!  Don't touch me!  You're insane!

Hirose: How many times has he fucked you? >> Did he take your 
virginity in this room?

*pain as Hirose touches his scar*

Izumi: AAAAAHHH!  Aaah... ah...

[I think he actually throws up, though unfortunately not on Hirose.  
Hirose removes his hand, somewhat startled.]

Bodyguard: President!  Urgent phone call from the company.
>>
Hirose: Didn't I leave instructions that I was to be disturbed for 
one call only?

Bodyguard: It's precisely that one.

Hirose: Ha!  He phones me... must be for the first time.  Izumi...  it's 
your knight in shining armour.  Are you going to scream for rescue?

Izumi: ...!

Kouji [impatient]: Still hasn't picked up... How long is he going to 
make me wait?

Hirose: However, unless he grows wings as in the fairytale and flies 
over, he won't get here in time.
>>
Izumi: Kou...

//Wings... like in a fairy tale...//

Izumi: ...ji... Kouji...

//Hurry...!  Come here!//

Hirose: Useless.  I have it on hold, he can't hear you.  He can't 
hear your voice.
>>
//He can't hear...//

Kouji: Shit! *slams down phone* It has to have something to do with 
him!

*trill of phone*

Shibuya: Hello?  It's me!

Kouji: Shibuya!  What the hell!

Shibuya: (Your line was busy!)  Don't worry about it, he's on his way 
home.

Kouji: _Really?_
>>
Shibuya: Just you wait!  It'd be pretty depressing if Izumi got home 
and found himself alone, wouldn't it?  There's sure to be lineups 
shopping today, so it's only natural that he'd get home late.

Kouji: Really?  He's really okay?  If you're lying I'll kill you!

Shibuya [lying - let it be noted - through his teeth]: Have I ever 
lied to you, ya moron?  Even if you run out after him it'd be 
useless, surely you can figure that out!

Kouji: Really...?

Shibuya: Just you wait! >> [after hanging up] Shit, how can I tell 
him there's no news at all... This isn't good.  It's got to be some 
plot of those Nanjous!  What's to do...?

//He's so distant that he can't hear you cry for help.  That's 
reality.  True love links you so that anything can be transmitted... 
surely you don't go through life wearing such rose-tinted glasses!//

[The secretary - definitely drawing overtime - cleans up after Izumi.]

Hirose: Are you done...?  Your vomiting signals your weak point.  We 
can't use the bed now...
>>
Secretary [overtime pay in the form of getting diddled by the boss]: 
(Tee hee...)

[They'd put Izumi on the floor with a blanket between him and the 
hardwood.]

Hirose: It doesn't matter... Anywhere is the same for what we're going 
to do.

Izumi: Kouji's... totally different from you...

[Seconded.  Kouji hasn't enough forward planning to use syringes. ^^; 
Oh, I'm *sorry*...]

Hirose: Oh, really?  You believe in him?  That is startling!  But 
regardless his passion won't last for long.  He's always abandoned as 
soon as he's conquered, we had a steady stream of women trekking 
through the house making scenes.  The reason he's so serious about 
you is because he hasn't managed to conquer you yet.
>>
Izumi: YOU'RE LYING!

Hirose [after a pause]: It seems that your parents were the 
principals in a murder case.  The husband had an affair, so the wife 
killed the husband.  It was a grand passion strong enough to face the 
opposition of the world, and that was how it ended.
>>
Izumi: Wh... what are you saying...?  I don't...

Hirose: You couldn't not know.  Didn't your mother tell you 
everything after she was released from prison?  It's a pity she 
didn't inform the court in the first place, she could have gotten a 
reduced sentence.

Izumi: You're lying!  I don't know anything about that!

Hirose: Go ask the police.  They took a statement from that woman.  
Did you really think your mother killed your father out of love?  
Love diminishes with time, cools, sickens.  The love of men 
especially so, since they have the biological impulse to sire as many 
children as possible, and so desire many women.  Merely nature's 
mechanism for ensuring the perpetuation of the species.  Love is only 
an expression of that urge, so partners should change frequently.

[You who are reading this: I bet you're sitting there not even 
considering the bizarreness of a would-be rapist lecturing his victim 
on the selfish gene theory... -_-;]
>>
Izumi: It's impossible... because... he smiled...

//Father smiled... waiting for mother to kill him!  Mother loved him, 
that's why she wanted to keep him to herself.//

Izumi: He said... he loved her...

//Father looked back at mother, and he smiled... I tried to hide 
because of the pain.//

Hirose: I seem to have said more than I should have.  Why discuss 
such matters?  It's about time to end the digression.
>>
//The first time I lived together with Kouji was in this room,//

Hirose: Come to think of it, you mistook me for him at first.  How 
about this... [He removes his glasses] Think of me as Kouji.

//He said he loved me!//

Hirose: Does that excite you? >> Relax your body.  I won't be as 
gentle as him.

[Not as gentle as Kouji?  And that means what, I'm going to send you 
to Shibuya General with massive internal bleeding? >_<]

//Help me...//
>>
Izumi: Aah... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

//HELP ME!//

/In the heart of the angel, depraved fancies.

//He awaits kisses filled with brutality and humiliation, kisses 
brimming with honey.

//But I'll never return to heaven!

//The angel thirsts,

//"Let him violate me by force again!"

//No matter if through it life draws to an end!
>>
//"But I have no wings, I cannot reach heaven."

//No matter how sincere my prayers,

//Wings cannot sprout from the backs of humans!//
>>
//"As long as you exhaust your fervour in the service of something 
greater than life,

//(Without life there is nothing.)

//"Anything can happen!

//(Can I take to the air to save you?)

//"Even after death there is life!"

//(Merely the foolish imaginings of mankind.)

//That is the harsh reality of existence: after death there cannot be 
rebirth.//

[Y'know, it must be hard work freaking out Catholics and Jews 
simultaneously... Trève de commentaires for a bit.  What happens in the 
next few pages, well, happens.]

Kunihide: Umph...

Bodyguard A: If he wakes up, make him breathe it some more.

Bodyguard B: Right.

//Fairytales only happen in fairyland.//

Bodyguard A: The president's still not finished.
>>
//No matter how desperate your struggles, no matter how piercing your 
cries, 

//The only one who can save you is yourself.  Grace will not descend 
from the skies.  

//The heart alone cannot... transmit all thoughts.//

*labored breathing*
>>
Hirose: You can yell if you want.

Izumi: *pant* Bas...tard... Ah...

Hirose: Let's hear you call Kouji's name again.
>>
Izumi: YOU BASTARD, DON'T THINK I'LL DO AS YOU SAY!
>>
Izumi: ...You quite worship Kouji really, don't you?  You hate him 
because you can't be like him.  You're jealous of his abilities!  You 
want to be a born prodigy like Kouji...

Hirose: You're wrong.  "Becoming like Kouji" holds no meaning for 
me.  I wish only to be myself and no one else.

Izumi: Stuck-up, aren't you? >> Why don't you just give up, it's too 
sad a sight for me...

Hirose: Legs wide open and still such words!

[He makes sure it hurts this time.]

Hirose: Don't even try to insult me in this manner, it's useless.  
I've never had the sort of ambition that consists of "wanting to be 
so-and-so": it's too low-class.

Izumi: Ah!  Nn...

Hirose: --You're really quite stubborn!  Like this and you haven't 
broken down, Izumi?
>>
[Izumi glares back at him, eyes fiery with determination.]

Izumi: I'll never give you what you want!
>>
//This youth...//

Hirose: You've piqued my taste for conquest.

//Insulted, trampled, abused in a hundred ways, how is it that he's 
retained his haughty gaze?  Hasn't he always lived apart from the 
crowd, apart without hope?  Or is it precisely because of that?//
>>
Hirose: Even if everything falls apart, it wouldn't matter to you?  
For Kouji, you would abandon your siblings and your soccer?

//In the midst of despair, following only hope,//

Izumi: I'd choose Serika and Yuugo.

//Following that uncowed honor!//
>>
Izumi: Even if I abandoned Kouji, betrayed Kouji, he would still 
follow me. >> I'm all that he has.  So I'd choose my brother and 
sister.
>>
//--What attacks him from within...//

Hirose:  So.  Even if he follows and adores you without a care for 
himself, you would trample his heart underfoot?  Because you trust in 
his love.

//Bright whirlpools and dark abysses of hatred.//

Izumi: No, I don't!  If he loves me without a care for himself, does 
that mean I have to requite him?

//Your heart must be thirsting!//
>>
Izumi: Even if you didn't do this, I wouldn't believe in love...!

//Kouji, is this whirlpool of light... your one and only?//
>>
Hirose: That does make sense.  You grew up that way after all; such 
thoughts suit you.  I want more and more to devastate you.

[Y'know, turning on your rapist isn't a good - oh, no comments.  
Right.]

Hirose: It doesn't matter if you love Kouji or not; that has nothing 
to do with me.  Kouji aspires only to one thing in this world, and 
that thing is before me.

//You were never my dream.  Never once.  All my years I've only had 
one dream, and the prodigy you crushed it easily.  I have nothing for 
you but hatred!//
>>
Hirose: For me, that's already enough.
>>
[They say it's about the power rush... they're absolutely right, in 
this instance anyway.]

Izumi: AH... AAAH... ---AAH!

//He never even knew!  I strove until I was half insane, morning, 
noon and evening, spring, summer, autumn and winter, exhausting my 
spirit in yearning! >> My heart's-blood efforts, my bitterness and 
raging prayers - my one and only never even knew!//

Bodyguard: I... I'm sorry!

Shibuya: What?  Did something happen?

Bodyguard: I was ambushed from behind and knocked out... when I woke 
up, I was in an abandoned factory outside the city... it was right 
after he left the school with Kunihide Hisaya... That's right!
>>
Shibuya: Did you see your attackers?  A car?

Bodyguard: Two men in suits and dark shades.  I never even noticed 
their footsteps, I'm sorry!  They're beyond my level!

Shibuya: Go to Kunihide's place!  I'll call the police anonymously.  
Do you know where it is?  It's Kouji's old apartment.

//How could things... beside _him_, no one could pull this off!  He 
never planned on letting Kouji go... Does he hate him because his 
father left him the inheritance in his will?  No... it must be more 
than that.  There must be a long story behind this.  He's not the 
type to disrupt his life for this sort of affair, but...//
>>
Shibuya: I'm sorry, Miyada, change of plans!  Make a stop at the 
Nanjou Consolidated headquarters in Nanseiyama first!

[Argh... regional geography... Dare ka tasukete kudasaiiii...] 

Chauffeur: Yessir!

//If he's really nurtured such a hatred for Kouji that he would risk 
his reputation-!?//

//It makes him nigh-on impossible to defeat!//

Employee: The president is busy, please make an appointment.

[But Shibuya obviously pulls all strings and gets through to Akihito 
in three seconds flat.]

Akihito: What?  A matter of life and death?  Are you trying to say 
that Hirose's going to kill somebody? >> Even if he were, he wouldn't 
do it himself.  Do you think he's that dumb?  Even you found out 
where he was it wouldn't do you any good.

Shibuya: Akihito-san.  We're on the verge of calling in the police.  
It would be disadvantageous to you to force our hand; you'd probably 
do better to contact him.

Akihito: Police? (Hmph!) That's no use against us.

Shibuya: You must know something!  You're always by his side!

Akihito: I don't.  Hirose never tells me anything, so I never know 
anything.  Like today; he forbade me from contacting him. >> Hirose's 
only taking calls from one person today.

[Meanwhile... (The deed is done, Clarissa lives...)]

*sound of Hirose's driver opening the car door*

Hirose: Back to the office, quickly!

Driver: Yes, sir.

*motor starting*

[Hirose moves.  With rapid gestures he removes his gloves and his 
jacket, tossing them on the floor of the car, and loosens his tie.  
Then he begins to laugh.  Not evilly: just the way you laugh when it 
_finally_ hits you what you've been doing for the past hour.]
>>
Hirose: *exhales* Ha...haha... hahahahaha!

[The driver half-glances over his shoulder at the partition, 
startled.]

Hirose [clasping his face]: Am I... so tired of living?

//I committed a stupidity!//
>>
//In the instant that youth transfixed me with his gaze,//

*doorbell*

//Passions I should have forgotten long since surfaced, and I started 
to become serious with him!//

*knocking*

Bodyguard (presumably): Kunihide!  Are you home?  Please open the 
door!

//I know why I wasn't the chosen one: because I'm not strong enough.  
My abilities were not up to par with my father's hopes, I didn't pass 
the test.//

[Kunihide is waking up.  He drags himself to the bedroom unsteadily, 
only to find it empty.  Hirose-tachi seem to have cleaned up after 
themselves.]

//I know I shouldn't hate, but I pity myself too much.  I'm always 
aware of the tragedy!//

Kunihide [shaking]: Izumi... sempai...?

//Will I be imprisoned by this for the rest of my life?//

[Izumi is walking home.  Or maybe just walking.]

//I will be.  I already threw my life into the balance.//
>>
//Some dreams can never be realized, no matter how you crave for them 
to be!//
>>
[Sign: private property, no trespassing]
[Izumi Gakuen]

[Izumi huddles in the snow in front of the empty orphanage.]

Izumi: ...He was lying, wasn't he...? >> Father... it's not true, is it?  
Mother...! >> Having... an affair... with... someone else... >> Why... why did 
you have us?  At that time, did you... really love each other? >> You 
were in love but it didn't last... did it... but that's not important.  
Love, whatever, it's not an important thing, it doesn't matter... don't...

Passers-by: (What's wrong with that boy?) (Ignore him!)

Izumi: Don't leave us like this...

//Don't leave us like this!//

/* Serika: Oniichan!  Takuto-oniichan!  Where did daddy and mommy go? 
>> When are they coming back?  Serika misses mommy! */

//So many different children in this little orphanage.  Children 
whose parents were dead or neglected them; babies abandoned on the 
doorstep or in boxes and dumpsters; children who ran away from 
abusive, alcoholic fathers, and children viewed as nuisances by man-
chasing mothers.  So many different children, so many different 
adults.//

/* Serika: I've always been good!  I've been a good girl! */
>>
//The black blood of hatred ran in my veins!//

//Why love (or never loved from the start)?
//Why marry (or never bothered to marry at all)?
//Why have it turn to dislike, and divorce?
//(Even when there's no dislike, still there is parting of ways.)

//Why bring children into the world thoughtlessly, only to abandon 
them?

//Why love at all?  Sooner or later there is sickening, hatred, 
forgetfulness.

//If the end result is the same, why love at all?

//The only hope left open is to commit lovers' suicide!//
>>
//These feelings in opposition, these two conflicting sets of 
desires...//

//The suspicion, the stifled anger and resentment made me lose my 
will to exist.  I admired and envied the happy throngs.  From 
childhood I was afraid of the gaze of others, unwilling to have 
anything to do with them.  All I could think was, "But what if they 
didn't want me anymore?"//

//The burning desire to be loved made me realize that I was stronger 
than anyone else.//

/* Hirose: The husband had an affair, so the wife killed the husband. 
*/

//The despair in my heart is stronger than anything else!//
>>
//So cold!
//Winter snow so cold, so lovely... >>
//If I let myself be buried here
//by this white and lovely thing,
//Would this soiled body of mine become clean?
//If I let all my tainted blood flow away from this sordid scar, >>
//Would I be able to grow wings?
>>
>>
Kouji: IZUMI!
>>
//God!//
>>
[The little match girl and her granny, mark II. ^^;]
>>
Kouji: I broke my promise, but I found you!
>>
[Izumi's two sets of conflicting desires: Exhibit A.]

Izumi: *sigh* ...What is this, a cheap daytime soap?  The plot's 
straight out of pulp fiction.

//Do anything, just take me away from here!//

Kouji: Izumi?

Izumi: DON'T COME NEAR ME!
>>
[I swear Fushigi Yuugi no Miaka had this reaction once...]

Izumi: Why are you here?  How did you know I was here?

//Come to my side!//

Kouji: All the highways are jammed, so I took buses and taxis, but 
then we got stuck in traffic again so I got out and ran.  You weren't 
at the school sports center, so I ran again... thought you might be 
here...
>>
Izumi: Buses?  Running?  Doesn't sound like you... You weren't 
followed, were you?  Rock star.

Kouji: Don't worry, I lost them.  Izumi, you're pale, how long have 
you been sitting here?

Izumi: I SAID DON'T COME NEAR ME!

*sound of Izumi grabbing hold of Kouji*
>>
Kouji [confused - and who can blame him?]: Izumi... Izumi?

//Hold me... don't leave me! >> Stay by my side!//
>>
***
//Please save this mad soul of mine!
>>
//Holy mother of darkness, Black Maria!
>>
//This earthly life hasn't yet ended!

[They hold each other in the snow, and for one eternal moment the 
only sound is that of their matched breaths.]
>>
Kouji: Izumi... what... happened?

[Izumi pushes him away violently, picks up his book bag with a 
trembling hand and walks off, half-supporting himself against the 
wall.  Kouji watches him, dumbstruck.]
>>
Kouji: Izumi... >> Izumi, wait... wait for me!

[Izumi stops, but doesn't turn.]

Kouji: Please, I'm begging you! >> Will you please... come back to me?

Girl A: Hey, look!
Girl B: Man, what's he doing?  (Dangerous...)
(I can't believe it!  Isn't it Nanjou Kouji?)
(What, Nanjou Kouji?  How could it... ah!)
(Don't push me!  Good grief...)
(Omigosh it _so_ is him!  *giggles*)
(You're kidding me!)

Izumi: Stand up.  You're making a spectacle of yourself.  Big boy 
like you crawling on the ground, yelling "come back to me" at another 
man - aren't you ashamed?

Izumi: "Looks and talent such that you'd never lack women or 
money"... "creature of hubris and egotism"?  Ignorant of limits, 
emotionless, unrealistic... >> You seem pathetic to me, selfish and 
wilful.  You're nothing but irritation!  I wish they could see you as 
you are now. >> Look over there, Nanjou Kouji.  See the girls hiding 
and eavesdropping on us?  The street's quiet, but it's broad 
daylight.  See, yet another passer-by...

Kouji: I'm... not ashamed at all...

Izumi: Stand up!

Kouji: I'm not ashamed!

Izumi: _I_ am!
>>
[Which, of course, brings Kouji to his feet.]

Izumi: ...Let's go home.

Kouji: I... wait, I'll call a taxi.

Izumi: ...Take the bus.

Kouji: Izumi...

Izumi: Traffic jam, we'll take the bus. *sudden stab of pain* Ah!

Kouji [catching him in his arms]: Izumi! >> You... what happened to 
you?  You're wobbling... Your hand... what's this?  Put on my gloves!  
How will you take the bus in this condition?

[Izumi snatches the gloves from him.]
>>
Izumi: Don't touch me!

//--This earthly life still continues!//

Passengers: Hey, look!  Wow, why's he taking the bus?  (So cute...)  
He's even taller than he looks on the telly...

//Tonight is Christmas Eve.  On the day the Saviour descended to 
earth, the city is thronged by fortunate couples.  For the child so 
suddenly granted her, did the Virgin Mary really feel love...?//
>>
//Why do humans want so much to believe in the stories they tell 
themselves?//

Izumi: They pretend not to be paying attention, but they're all 
looking at you.  It's funny.  You're just so not suited to your 
surroundings.  See the ad there?  It's got your name on it, right 
next to "former lover tells all."

//Why continue to cling on?//
>>
Kouji: It's fake.

//Holy Mother!//

Izumi: Is it?

//Guileless virgin, snow-pure and tranquil Maria, did you never bleed 
before your assumption?//
>>
//Only those who have faith will be saved.//

Shibuya: So you came home by bus?

[Note: If Izumi comes home, please call 030-23-52xxx PM 1:05]

Shibuya: Thanks for being so kind as to leave a note, but I couldn't 
get through to the number at all.  (Called a gazillion times!)  And 
this time too... you ran straight out after you hung up on me, didn't 
you?

Kouji: I found Izumi, so I turned the phone off.

Shibuya: (Can't stand you, no sympathy for other people's feelings!)  
Oh, we've thought of everything haven't we.  Don't you know how 
worried I was?

[Izumi goes to the kitchen and appears to drink a litre of Volvic.]

Shibuya: I was casual about hiring him.  It's my fault for 
underestimating the opponent, and I apologize for it.

Kouji: Do you know what happened?

Shibuya: There's no smoking gun, but _he_ was gone from the office on 
private business today.  Found the younger brother, but he clammed 
up.  On the other hand, it's certain that Nanjou Consolidated put the 
moratorium on media reports on the girlfriend.  Those are the only 
leads we have.
>>
[Izumi gazes at the kitchen table, still set for two.]

Shibuya: One way or another, you can't live here any more.  I'll find 
new digs for you right away, you do me a favor and stay right here.  
Probably shouldn't let Izumi out of the house either.

Izumi: Shibuya.

Kouji: Izumi!  Didn't you go take a bath?  You can't keep those wet 
clothes on, you'd...

Izumi: I have something to ask you.
>>
Shibuya: What?

Izumi: Was my father killed by my mother because he was having an 
affair?
>>
[_Long_ trading of three-way gazes.]
>>
Shibuya: I heard that woman went to meet your mother the day she got 
out of jail, and told her everything.  The husband found his wife's 
love burdensome, so he sought refuge elsewhere.  The wife realized 
this and did all she could to salvage his love, but only made herself 
more of an encumbrance.

// "I'm stifled!  It's painful to be around her, as if everything 
might fall apart at any moment!  Her emotions are too vivid!" //

Shibuya: They both knew problems had appeared in their relationship, 
but continued to live together as if nothing had happened.  It was 
only after he fell in love with someone else and their third child 
was born that everything exploded into the open.  She was silent all 
through the other's recital, only to say at the end, "Don't tell the 
children."  That's what the police told me after her suicide.
>>
Izumi: Why didn't that woman come out with her story before?

Shibuya: Fear, maybe?  She had quite a guilt complex from keeping 
back her secret for so many years.

Izumi: If he felt she was a millstone around his neck, why didn't 
they break up immediately?  He could have gone and shacked up with 
his new girlfriend.  It's moronic!

Kouji: ...Izumi...

Shibuya: Who told you this story?  Nanjou Hirose?

Izumi: It doesn't matter who told me!
>>
[More significant and troubled gazes.  Shibuya drops his eyes 
finally.]

Shibuya: Maybe because... it was impossible to break up?  Maybe even if 
he'd tried, the ending would have been the same.  I'm sorry!  I knew, 
and there was no way I could tell you. >> You two can't continue to 
live together any longer.

//That's right - it was destined from the beginning!  This is a 
despairing love!//

Shibuya: Izumi, go pack.  You're moving out.

Kouji: Wh...

Shibuya: I'll be waiting for you in the car.

Izumi: ...Fine.

Kouji: I won't let you go!

//If no one willingly puts an end to it, the despair would continue 
forever.//
>>
Shibuya: The snow is so deep... [to chauffeur] Sorry for the long 
wait.  (Cold!)

Chauffeur: Are we leaving now?

Shibuya: That's right.  Home.  He won't be coming out no matter how 
long I wait.

Chauffeur: Sir?

//But this is an end that no one could have the will bring about!//

Shibuya [closing his eyes]: Nothing.  First time I've ever seen such 
heavy snow in Tokyo... best to spend the evening relaxing with a book.

[By gum, if only all friends could be as all-understanding as Shibuya 
Katsumi... ;_;]
>>
//Hurtle toward annihilation!//

Izumi: Out of my way!

Kouji: I refuse! >> Tell me, what really happened?

Izumi: I'm telling you to get out of my way!

Kouji: NO!
>>
Izumi: GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU BASTARD!

Kouji: Izumi!

[And pins him against the wall by the wrists.]

Izumi: Shit...!

Kouji: Your wrists... why are they abraded?
>>
*sound of Izumi's shirt ripping*

Izumi [who I'm sure is not deriving pleasant flashbacks from all 
this]: You... what are you doing... Stop!  Bastard...

[Was it Hirose or Miz Overtime who left the kiss marks?  Never mind.  
Doesn't matter.]
>>
Kouji: What is this?  Izumi... Who was it? [As Izumi fails to answer] 
Was it... did _he_ tie you up?  It was him... It must have been him!  >> 
I'll kill him!

Izumi: I've found someone else.
>>
Izumi: I just went to bed with him, you're not happy with this 
explanation?  What part of "I can't stand you" do you have trouble 
with? [As Kouji stares] I don't want to make the same mistake as my 
parents.  Because I have someone else now, I won't see you again.
>>
Kouji: Liar!  I won't believe such lies.  Why?  You couldn't possibly 
do something like that.  It's not who you are!
>>
Izumi: "It's not who I am?"  And who do you think I am, exactly?  I 
think you're under some sort of misunderstanding.

[He pulls Kouji very close to him and speaks practically against his 
lips.  (`Itta no to yatta no wa...' -_-;  Scrolling through a couple of 
net summaries I'm totally struck by how much Izumi's body language 
must betray him.  Without the words everyone's convinced he's turned 
sasoiuke.)]

Izumi: It's not that I was too nice to turn you down.  You have way 
too high an opinion of me. >> I'm not as kind-hearted and noble as 
you think.  The time you almost died, I ate and laughed just like 
things were normal.  When I played soccer I forgot about you totally, 
thought only of myself.

[He pushes Kouji back.]

Kouji: But... didn't you suffer?  I told you I loved you and you tried 
to accept my love, you were harmed because of it...  You did so many 
things for me...

Izumi: Hold the sweet-talk already. >> How can you be so sure that I 
wouldn't fall for someone else?  Do you think that if you throw 
yourself at me you'll obtain me body and soul...?
>>
Kouji: Don't speak any more...

*Izumi sends the rest of his shirt buttons to their maker*

Izumi: I'll tell you.  I opened my legs willingly just now. >> Check 
if you want.  I haven't showered yet, the traces are still on me.  I 
did a woman too, it was great.  Women are beautiful and soft, they 
smell good... 

Kouji: Don't...

Izumi: What?

Kouji: Don't say anything else!  You're trying to help me, aren't 
you?  You're lying like this because you're afraid I'll become a 
murderer!  He took you by force and it's all my fault... You're trying 
to push me away, to save me and him...

Izumi: Shut up! >> Don't confuse me with your ideals!  The Izumi you 
fell in love with is long gone!

[More revisionist history... @_@]

Izumi: I decided not to go to Italy because I was scared.  I used my 
brother and sister as a cover for my cowardice, but really it's 
because I couldn't stand to be harassed any longer myself. >> I lead 
you on even though I can't give you a clear answer, for my ego's 
sake.  I need a good reason for others to sacrifice themselves for 
me.  I need to be needed, that's what I am, don't you know that I've 
been using you all along?  From the first when I saw you cared - 
trying to save me all over the place - you were an annoyance!  The 
more you say you'll love me forever, the less I believe you.  I've 
decided to put an end to it right now, because it's painfully boring 
just being around you!  I'm not perfect like you think, I'm base and 
cowardly!  I'm not the Holy Virgin Mary, I don't grant wishes!  I 
don't even love you!
>>
[And now that he's perfectly crushed Kouji by all this and pulling 
his hair to boot, he continues with this gem: >_<]

Izumi: Do you want me now?  Then come take it! >> Take it!  Beg me 
like before, yell, yell that you love me!  Scream at me the whole day 
long!  Stop me from thinking of anything else!
>>
[I think this is the first sentence out of Izumi this volume that 
Kouji actually understood... tackles him, kisses him, starts crying...]
>>
Kouji: Wh... what is all this?  All over your... marks all over your 
body...?

Izumi: What, having a hard time swallowing facts?

Kouji: You let someone touch you besides me? >> You let him see this 
scar?  You even let him touch it?  Someone besides me... How dare they...?

Izumi: _Ah_... Ah!

Kouji: How dare they touch my Izumi...
>>
Izumi: Uh...

Kouji: How did he do it?  Did he tie down your wrists like this?  Did 
he use drugs?  Like that last time...!  And then?  Did you feel 
something?  You didn't, did you?

Izumi: I... felt... ah!

Kouji: No, you were forced, you weren't willing at all!  Say it!

Izumi: Shut up with all these questions... it's not important, this 
sort of thing, casual acts...
>>
Kouji: I won't ever let you leave this place!  I won't let you go 
anywhere, see anyone... I won't leave you for the rest of my life!
>>
Izumi: --Ah!

[Kouji starts undressing... it's *really* late at night on this end, 
girls and boys, Sa-chan's not up for much more...]
>>
Kouji: I'll make sure that you won't think of anything else!  I want 
your body to be unable to maintain itself without me!  I want you to 
be dependent on me, only me!

[`Kimi ni addicted kamo...' It's three, no one will kill me if I remark 
that Kouji might have missed a hyperspace dimension or three... nerves 
might be calmed in a society with institutionalized sex-slave-
keeping...]
>>
Kouji: Let's go there together!  [He takes off his belt] I can take 
you there as often as you want, until you pass out if you like.  
Straight up to heaven!

Izumi: Really...?
>>
Kouji: Ah... How beautiful you are...! >> My angel!
>>
>>
//Angel unable to fly!//
>>
Akihito [busting into Hirose's office]: Hirose!  You're back already?

Hirose: Don't slam the door.  There're traffic jams on all the 
throughways.
>>
Akihito: Shibuya Katsumi came to the office during the day, asking 
for your whereabouts.  Talked some crap about life-and-death 
emergencies and calling the police.

Hirose: How did you answer him?

Akihito: That I didn't know.  It's the only thing I _can_ say, since 
it's true.

Hirose: You don't need to waste your energy worrying over 
trivialities. >> Things are almost at an end now.

[I rather suspect he means he's just waiting now for Kouji to come 
make kenjutsu kebab outta him...]

Shibuya: Hello, Taka-chan?  It's me! >> That is... the housing 
situation's been exposed.  Whatever, compared to before it's served 
its time... though the house itself is quite new... don't worry, we'd 
have found something by tomorrow.

[Seems Katsumi's missed his date for good.  But hey, he's got his 
wine, his yule log, his dog named Jesus... ^^;;]

Shibuya: C'mon, it's his birthday, cut him some slack and don't go 
bug him.  (Working this late on Christmas Eve, Taka-chan?  How 
awful!)  Don't worry about it, I tell you.  I've instructed Izumi 
thoroughly.  ...Until when?  Well... >> Until the thaw, I suppose...
>>
>>

>>
//Have you ever loved someone so hard
//You thought your heart would break in two?
>>
//If so, then that person...
>>
//Is he still by your side?//
>>
//I don't like myself: I'm untruthful, base, cowardly.
//But I don't feel that I'm unfortunate, because I have soccer - 
soccer that I love!

//But then,

//What do I really want to do?  (Nothing at all)
//What do I really want to have? (Nothing I can attain)
//Why do I do this?  (To protect myself)
//What goal do I have?  (But I'm so tired already)

//To tell the truth, I know the answer; both the passionate desire 
and refusal.

//The answer born of want, what I want most is-
>>
// "I don't believe it!"  Is this the hope that kept me from the 
madness for twelve years?
//That's right, I've always stayed "here" of my own free will.//
>>
Father: Are you really going to leave without telling your siblings 
goodbye?  Takuto!

//The spring of my fifteenth year, on a windy night//

Izumi: That's right.  Thank you for taking care of me these past five 
years!
>>
//I'd wanted to move out and support myself after junior high, but 
Mr. (?)nai was completely against it.  So I went to high school.  
Finally the date we'd settled on arrived.//

Izumi: Thank you for signing my apartment lease as my guardian.  I'll 
return the money you lent me soon, including school fees and the cost 
of the books and uniform.  Please take care of Serika and Yuugo.

Father [sighing]: Stubborn to the last.  Didn't I tell you money's no 
object?
>>
//The sakura was only just blossoming, but the air was filled with 
dancing petals.//

//Freedom...//

Izumi: I'm sorry, Serika, Yuugo.  I'll come and take you back soon.
>>
//Freedom!//

//Those two are good people, but I was never able to view them as my 
parents.  My siblings quickly became part of the family, though.  
Watching them I thought, "I don't have to worry, they're happy now!" 
but at the same time, "They've robbed me of my precious brother and 
sister!"//

//I should have been thankful, but I was jealous and contemptuous.//

//I was always unhappy in that home, because I felt undeserving and 
out of place.//

Izumi: "Freedom"?  Does that mean that in my heart of hearts I treat 
them as a millstone around my neck?  A nuisance?  Always talking big 
about how I want to protect them, make them happy... >> I'm the lowest 
of the low!

//Forget it, it's fine!  I was aware of my powerlessness as a child, 
so I took growing up as my motivator.//

Sensei: Ah, Takuto!  It's been so long!  (He's grown so handsome...)
Children: Takuto-niisan!  (Wow, it's really him!)

Izumi: Is everyone well?

//And used tenderness toward my little friends of the orphanage to 
cover up my sense of having failed my siblings.//
>>
//In order to keep my scholarship, I had to pay a lot of attention in 
class to keep my grades up, since I spent all my after-school hours 
on part-time jobs.  In truth, I would have liked to quit altogether 
and find full-time work.  Living requires money.//

Izumi [habitual book-balancer]: Save as much as I can on the 
electricity bill... (Don't need to buy clothes either...)  Rent, Mr.(?)
nai's loan, donations to the orphanage... (School trip fee?  I won't 
have to pay if I don't go, will I?  Is it possible?)  Food money is 
most important... (I can eat dinner on the job...)

//So... I have no time to participate in any sort of extracurricular 
activity. >> Soccer isn't important anymore.//

Player: Whoa, out of bounds!

*sound of ball bouncing and rolling toward the one it loves best ^_^*

Player: Sorry, could you toss it over?  (Geez, where was he aiming?)
>>
//Soccer... doesn't...//

[Izumi drops his book bag.]

Players: Eh?

//Count... as...//

Player: Good God...!

Goalie: Huh...?  [as the ball flies in] Ack!
>>
//Doesn't count--//

Coach: Was that... did he just...?

Players: That was incredible... a curved shot!  From that distance, 
that angle... (I can't believe it!  Wow!)  Coach!  Hey, are you a first-
year?

Girls: (Did you see that?  It was so cool!)

//Why... >> Why does soccer always make me feel this good?//

//I had no regrets about choosing soccer.  Because of it, I'm able to 
live.  It doesn't matter if I have nothing else.  Spring, summer, 
autumn, winter...//

//A six-mat room in midwinter...//

Izumi [muffled in quilt]: Waah - it's so cold! (I've got to buy a 
radiator, or I'll freeze to death...) So... cold...

//Even though it's cold, >> compared to that forever-warm house, it's 
still better here!  I'd rather be by myself...//

[And one fateful rainy night...]

//It's better-//
>>
*sound of rain*

Izumi: Oy!  Are you okay?  (He reeks of alcohol!)  You're gonna die!

//A drunkard... no use in paying attention to him.  But the rain is 
cold tonight... shouldn't I call the police?//

Izumi [touching Kouji's shoulder]: Ah!

//He's burning up!  I've got to call an ambulance!//

Izumi: Ack!

Kouji [who'd latched on to his shirt]: Don't... go...
>>
//Don't go...//

*door creaks*

Izumi: Argh, you're heavy! [to the dog] Good grief, don't come in, 
you're covered with mud!

//First get him dry, there should be cold medication in the house... 
It's the middle of the night, all the local hospitals are...//

Kouji: Co...cold...

Izumi: Cold?  Damn, I haven't got more blankets than this... (It's 
midsummer!)

//This is a problem!  39.2 Celsius!  What if he develops pneumonia? - 
I'm such an idiot, why did I have to bring trouble home?  He belongs 
in a hospital, why did I bring him here?//

Izumi: Oy, can you hear me?  I'll better go call an ambulance, you 
just wait here!  (All right?)
>>
//Why...//

Kouji: ...Ah... Is this... real...?  I'm... touching you...  I've always... wanted 
to meet you...  Please... don't disappear... again... >> Am I dreaming?  Stay 
with me... a little longer... I've been looking for you... such a long 
time... >> Don't go...

//He's mistaken me for someone else... his girlfriend?//

Kouji: Don't go... anywhere else... will you?  So... wonderful...

//Got to be his girlfriend!//

Kouji: Izumi... You're here...

//Huh...?  Did I mishear... did he just...?//

Kouji: So cold...

//So hot... >> I didn't know a body...//

Kouji: Don't... leave me again...!
>>
//Could ever burn like this-//
>>
[Darkness.  A creak of the bedsprings; slight sound.  Izumi's bound 
by Kouji's belt to the bedpost.]
>>
Kouji: ...Are you awake?
>>
Izumi: My wrists... hurt...!

*exhalation of smoke*

//Strange... What happened?  Just now, a dream?  Or was it...//

Kouji: ...I told you!  I'll never free you again!

//The... reality... I'd long since forgotten...?//
>>
Kouji: It's your own fault for trying to escape... you were the one who 
tempted me... No!  Don't gaze at me like that, it's useless.

//I have no idea anymore... how long have we been like this?//

Kouji: You were the one who excited me! >> With your lovely eyes and 
lovely body, with your detestable lies you seduced me... when did you 
learn such naughty tricks?
>>
Izumi: You did it for such a long time just now, aren't you satisfied 
yet?

Kouji: Never!

Izumi: Beast!  *sound of hands tightening on sheets*  Fine... do your 
worst... enjoy yourself until you're sated.  Until you're sick of it! 
>> Until you're sick of me and abandon me!

[Kouji turns Izumi's face toward him, roughly.]

Kouji: The same self-loathing Izumi!  Nothing in your head but words 
to inflict suffering on yourself... I'll block your lips forever!
>>
Izumi: ...Oh?  How will you manage it?

Kouji: With my own lips, of course!  So sorry to disappoint you, but 
I'll never be sick of you.  You should be prepared. >> I want to buy 
an estate no one can find, and chain you there.

Izumi: Dream-crimes again.  You're... totally unrealistic... do you know 
what it takes to buy real estate nowadays?

Kouji: You talk too much!

Izumi: Umph...
>>
Kouji: You see?  You resist and talk big, but you're still 
trembling!  What happened to all your attitude just now?  You were so 
cruel too!

Izumi: You... you're really despicable...

Kouji: Of course - I'm a man!  The one I love the most gave me free 
rein to do as I like, how could you expect me not to take advantage? 
>> You're a man too after all, shouldn't you understand?

Izumi: Who understands...!

Kouji: I love you... I love you... I'll say it a hundred thousand times 
if you want, I love you...!  How is it?  Not enough?

Izumi: Not enough!

Kouji: ...All right. >> Makes no difference if you're sacrificing 
yourself or taking advantage; as long as you need me, I'm happy.  
Even if you don't need me, I'll still love you forever! ...Your 
expression seems to demand some proof.  Tell me, how should I prove 
myself to you?  How might I prove that I will feel the same in ten 
years, twenty, thirty, a lifetime... >> I can't think of a way.  All 
that comes to mind are the words, "I'll love you for the rest of my 
life"... "The Izumi I fell in love with doesn't exist anymore"... what's 
that supposed to mean?  I love you more than seven years ago, a year 
ago, an hour ago, even a second ago!  Isn't it strange... how love 
surpasses itself second after second, minute after minute?  The more 
I get to know you, the more I love you, without end, I adore all of 
you!
>>
[He cuts Izumi loose.  And how much do you want to bet that thing was 
Vuitton?]

Kouji: The skin's broken.  It must hurt... I'll dress it for you.  Tell 
me how!  Because even if you don't believe me, I won't give up!
>>
Izumi: Kill me. >> Kill me, and the problem is solved. >> Only now, 
in the moment, can I believe everything you say.  So stop time!  Only 
now can I give myself to you.
>>
//Beautiful eyes... guileless, straightforward, and pure!//

Izumi: Wonderful idea, isn't it?  I'm giving you my life! 
>>
[Kouji wraps his hands around Izumi's throat... and pauses.]

Kouji: If it were so easy to possess you, I would have done it 
already.  Are you... testing me? >> That we will be reborn after we 
die; that neither Heaven nor Hell makes a difference as long as we're 
together; that as souls we will meld into one... foolish talk!  You 
don't believe those things, do you, Izumi?

Izumi: No. >> Death is the end.  After death we stiffen, become cold, 
shrivel.  They fill us with dry ice, cremate us.  Souls and 
reincarnation are mankind's futile imaginings.  What other people 
believe is their problem, but I won't depend on anyone like that.  
Love unto death?  Love after death?  They say these things because 
they've never known death.

Kouji: That's why I want you alive! >> If you're in agony, afraid of 
the unknown, crave without ever knowing if your wish will come true... 
so much so that you could wish for time to still itself in the 
moment... then give me your body and your heart, your hair, eyes, hands 
and feet, your voice, your beautiful tears, sweat, passionate blood 
and seed, give it all to me!  If you could give me your life, then 
live for me!  Don't ever glance at anyone else for the rest of your 
life, only look at me!  Only love me!
>>
Izumi [smiling a little, sadly]: You moron.  It's not often I say I'm 
giving myself to you.  This is your only chance, I'll have changed my 
mind by tomorrow.  I tell you to kill me and you don't listen!

Kouji: But I have no way of carrying it out! >> I love you too much, 
I want to see you alive, smiling happily!

//I don't want this night to end, ever.  This moment... no matter 
whether I believe or not, whether he speaks truth or falsehood, fear 
of betrayal, fearful weakness - none of if matters anymore!//
>>
//If this darkened room were all the world, how wonderful it would 
be!  I wouldn't ever need to think of anything else, to feel any 
apprehension...  No more hurt, no more tears, no more loss or anguish.  
No more need to run away in pain; past, future, all there is of the 
present...//

Kouji: That's all I wish.
//All there is...//
[Kouji watches Izumi sleep.  He approaches, bends down to kiss him 
gently on the cheek - and Izumi's fingers close over his long hair.  
Rather than disturb him, Kouji cuts off half a foot of his hair and 
leaves it clasped in Izumi's hand.]
//Even if it cannot be realized!//
*sound of door closing*
***end vol.5***






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